Saturday, January 25, 2020

The Mask


The Mask

The thoughts that follow any bad decision are what you’d expect.
Guilt.
Sadness.
Regret.
My mind is consumed with all three.
But what hurts me,
tears me down,
breaks me,
Is the hatred.
The guilt and regret don’t amount to nearly as much 
as the feelings of hatred towards myself.
My eyes threaten to spill tears,
My mouth threatens to let out sobs,
My hands threaten to shake
As I take in what I’ve done.
Process it.
Question it.
Hate it.
Hate. Me.
But I keep everything in.
I go about my day and try to conceal the illness behind dark eyes and a fake smile.
But behind the mask is a girl who is tired.
Tired of living in hatred.
Tired of spending every second thinking about how ugly she is
Inside and out.
But nothing changes.

Succumb


Succumb

My thoughts blur as I make a choice I know I shouldn’t.
Foolishness getting the best of me yet again.
There will always be a next time,
A next occasion,
A next moment 
Where I’m presented with two options
And face one decision.
At least, that’s what I tell myself.
So I push past the voice of reason,
Push through the doubt
Push away the angel on my shoulder
In favor of the devil.
I grab whatever it is I hope will fix my broken pieces,
But know deep down will only cause my glass to further shatter.
My desire is satiated,
But my guilty conscious looms.
I tuck it away before it can convince me to change my ways,
And grab more of what will feed my craze.

Interchangeable


Interchangeable

Two feelings
One goal
Is it possible to know which one rings true,
And which one is playing games?
Desire creeps from my stomach,
Crawls up my throat,
Invades my brain.
Deep.
Dark.
Unrelenting.
I’m too far gone to differentiate,
Or am I just trying to convince myself that this
Deep
Dark
Unrelenting 
Cloud looming over me is just hunger,
Not desire,
The one trying to fool me into succumbing to its vicious ways.
The two words become one,
interchangeable,
As I let my foolishness win.
I let desire win.
As I numbly venture to find something to fill the holes I can’t permanently fix.

Sunday, January 31, 2016

January 2016 | Spotify Playlists

Hello!

 As I said in my last post, I was thinking of creating monthly Spotify playlists to show my music favorites rather than monthly item favorites. So, I have created my first music playlist of the new year!

 I think I will post my playlists on my blog towards the end of each month, because I will be adding music as the month goes on. I thought I'd go into depth on some of the songs that have some meaning behind them; I hope you enjoy! Here is my January 2016 playlist:

Full Circle | Quinn XCII
The Rain | Aer
Gold | Years and Years
King - Acoustic | Years and Years
Love Yourself | Justin Bieber
Here - 2:00 AM Version | Alessia Cara
The Girl - Acoustic | City and Colour
Bloodstream | Ed Sheeran
Heartstrings | Leighton Meester
Loneliness | SIAM
Safe & Sound | Taylor Swift ft. The Civil Wars
End of the Day | One Direction
Electric Love | BØRNS
Breezeblocks | alt-J
I Hate U I Love U | Gnash ft. Olivia O'Brien
Hollow | Tori Kelly ft. Big Sean
Camouflage | Selena Gomez
Raise Your Glass | Dena Deadly
Dream | Imagine Dragons
Dopamine | BØRNS


The Rain | Aer - My neighbor drives me to school every morning and she has the best music taste. Her music is so good that I've created playlist strictly for songs that play in her car. You can listen to it here! Anyway, when I heard this song I instantly fell in love with it. 

King - Acoustic | Years and Years - I'm a very, very big fan of Years and Years, so when I discovered there was an acoustic version for King, I freaked. It's so gentle, pure, and definitely carries a lot of meaning. I've noticed that I interpret the meaning of lyrics more when listening to the acoustic version of songs.

The Girl - Acoustic | City and Colour - You may know that a couple months ago I finished the show One Tree Hill. It was without a doubt one of the best shows ever. This song was performed by City and Colour live for one the episodes and because I love the show and characters so much, this song holds a special place in my heart. Again, I love acoustic songs!

Bloodstream | Ed Sheeran - I listened to this song for the first time while in Israel after shuffling Troye Sivan's Sweet Stuff playlist. I love it.

Loneliness | SIAM - This song played when I shuffled one of Jack Baran's playlists. I think the lyrics are really special and are quite deep. They kind of made me reflect on modern day society. Plus, Jack has some of the best music taste.

Electric Love | BØRNS - Garrett Borns is probably my favorite artist in January (apart from Charlie Puth, who just came out with a new album that you must listen to!). Electric Love is such a good song to try and sing. Notice I say "try" because I have no clue how he hits those high notes so perfectly.

Dream | Imagine Dragons - My friends and I had a Star Wars marathon earlier this month because I had never seen any of the previous movies and boy am I a HUGE fan now!! I stayed up all night watching Star Wars vines and edits. My absolute favorite was an edit of Anakin and Padmé with this song playing in the background. Every time I watch it, I end up crying. Both the scenes included in the edit and the song itself add up to so much emotion. So, naturally, I played the song on repeat for days on end. Star Wars is such a beautiful and intricate saga. If you haven't watched any of the movies, I definitely recommend them!

Dopamine | BØRNS - Another favorite form Garrett's album. The chorus is really fun to sing in the shower, lol. It also reminds me of learning about neurotransmitters in Psychology ;)


 I love this playlist so much and can't wait to make more! I think creating playlists for any time of the year, feeling, event, etc. not just a specific month, is a great way to express yourself through a unique outlet: music. I can come back to this playlist later and be reminded of January 2016's events. I've already started my February 2016 compilation :) If you want to follow me on Spotify, my username is harel00. 

 Let me know if you have a Spotify or any playlists you want me to listen to!! Also, if you listen to any of these songs, tell me what you think in the comment section!

XOXO
Harel

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Our Own Mental Diary

Hello!

 Exam week is O-V-E-R! Well, at least for first semester it is. I'm coming to you today with something that has recently become very important to me: my eyesight.

 Today I tried contacts for the first time. Good news - I love them! I put them on and took them out correctly on my first try (pretty proud of that as I was kind of scared, haha). I've had glasses since age 7. I've gone through about 4 different pairs, and the ones I have now are the ones I am most happy with. Even though I love them, recently, my glasses have sort of become a shield.

 Every time they're on, I feel restricted, in a way. It feels as though they are blocking me from seeing the world (clearly) through my own two eyes - even though with out them that wouldn't be possible. I know they are what help me see better and I know that they can be very beneficial when I'm squinting, trying to see what the board says when I'm in the very back of the classroom, but the feeling I got when I put the contacts on was indescribable. I felt like everything was clear - not just the tangible things right in front of me.


 Now, there are probably a few different things that could be going on in your head: One, contacts are just like glasses, just physically on your eye, so aren't they a shield, too? Two, glasses don't seem like "shields" to everyone who wears them. Three, what the heck are you on about?

 I get that what I'm saying may sound a bit strange, but through wearing these tiny, plastic things, I have realized how amazing sight truly is. I walked outside, wearing my contacts, to take the trash out. I looked up and was actually in awe at how amazing the world looked. It was a feeling I had never gotten with my glasses. I had perfect vision, with out having to wear frames on my face - and I was so utterly happy.

 Some people wear glasses and love them just as much as I love contacts. That's awesome! Today I came to the conclusion that I love contacts because they give me a new perspective. It felt so good to open my eyes and be able to read the bulletin board across from me with out having to put on my glasses. Yes, I realize you probably still don't get what I'm saying.

 I've said this before, but my blog is an open and free space I go to to express my thoughts/what's going on in my head with out having to worry about judgement. So, I thought I'd put this out there because it's what I'm feeling and I was just really excited in those few moments I was outside, lol.

 That moment, when I walked outside and looked up to be met with a clear picture of trees and skies, I realized that when we look at anything, we've basically just written a diary entry. Everything around us has it's own beauty and it's so cool that even if we haven't taken a photo of the scene, it was still "written down." That fascinates and excites me.

 It's not just our eyesight. Anytime we hear, smell, touch, taste anything we've basically written in our mental diary about it. Some people might say, "You're just describing our memory system - encoding, storage, retrieval, blah, blah, blah.." But it's more than that. Our senses put together are like a diary that we can look back on whenever we want - I mean, how amazing is that?

 Thanks for sticking to the end of this weird, yet (hopefully) insightful post.

 My 7 year old sister, Danielle, suggested writing about this topic when I was out of ideas. So, thanks Dani.

 Thank you for reading and I'll talk to you soon.

XOXO
Harel

Thursday, January 14, 2016

7 Tips to Ace Exams

Hello!

 First off, sorry for my absence the past week. Finals have begun for this semester and I've been busy, busy, busy. Busy studying, that is. We are halfway through with exams, though! So far, so good - I am confident in myself and am not too worried.

 How are you? Have you had exams/any stressful school or work (or anything in general) situation recently? If you want to rant or talk, you can e-mail me or leave your message in the comments :)

 Because it's exam week where I go to school, I thought I'd do a post about my exam tips/advice!

   1. Don't Cram

 Sometimes, I am guilty of this. The only thing that ends up happening as a result of cramming is me stressing and wearing myself out. In my AP Psychology class, we learned about the spacing effect - if you rehearse knowledge more frequently and over a long period of time, you will learn the material more easily. Cramming might keep the knowledge in your mind for a day or so, but studying several times over a longer period of time will produce a better retention rate.

   2. Use Resources (Online and Off)

 The Internet is such a vast place. You can find textbooks, worksheets, notes, diagrams, practice tests, and so much more - all through your computer screen. I will usually find a released exam of the subject I am studying for and complete the practice questions. It can sometimes give me an idea of what I'll be tested on/the format of the exam. You also have class notes. Those are probably your best bet. For example, I took the practice quizzes in my Psychology workbook to test my knowledge and read through my World History notes to refresh my memory.

   3. Get Enough Sleep

 The night before exams began I got a good amount of sleep (for a teenager, lol). Last night was a whole other story. I slept a lot less and it definitely had an impact. I could still remain focused on taking the test, but I was yawning constantly and fell asleep once I had finished. Sleeping allows your body to recuperate, reenergize, and get ready for the next day. It's important that you are awake, focused, and concentrated while taking an exam. It is recommended that teens get 8-10 hours of sleep each night, but we all know that isn't a reality. Go home, get done what you need to get done, and put your body to rest.  

   4. Power Boost Breakfast

 I am someone who eats breakfast every single day. Some people don't, and I don't get how. I love breakfast. I'm sure you have all heard that it's the "most important meal of the day." It really is. When you eat breakfast, you are feeding yourself and your brain. You're giving your brain the fuel it needs to do it's job - think (among other things). I usually eat scrambled eggs with toast. I'll also usually spread cottage cheese on the toast. Eggs and cottage cheese are protein-rich foods, so they will help you when solving tough questions. If you're a cereal lover like me, and you have to have your cereal in the morning, I'd recommend adding some fruit to it or on the side. I'd recommend some sort of berry.

   5. Hydrate

 This is not just an exam tip, it's an everyday tip. Water is so important to maintain internal balance. Make sure you are drinking water every day, throughout the day. It will refresh you and may even help you regain your focus.

   6. Read Carefully 

 This tip is for when you actually take the exam. On almost every assignment in elementary school, we were told to read the directions. This is probably one of the best pieces of advice ever. Read the question word by word, read every answer choice word by word, and don't skim. While I was taking my psychology test, I stared at a question for 2 minutes because I didn't understand it. When I went back to the questions that I left unanswered, I read it again and realized I completely missed a word that was essential to the question, and I was able to find the answer with ease.

   7. Use A Variety Of Strategies
 
 Whether it's process of elimination, annotating/marking up the text, summarizing the passage, writing down all your formulas in the first page of your booklet, or highlighting key words in the question, use tools to help you come to a conclusion on which answer is correct.

   8. Manage Your Time

 Where I go to school, our exams are timed. We have to get the test done in x amount of time, so it's important that we set ourself realistic time limits for each question. Look through your booklet, judge how much time you should spend on each question, and try to stick to that. If you're stuck, skip the question and come back later! You don't want to end up with a bunch of blank circles on your answer sheet because you focused all of your time and energy on a few questions.

   8. Don't Stress!

 Lastly, don't stress. Exams are not (I repeat, not) the end of the world! Sometimes, I definitely feel like they are. But in reality, that's not the truth. Do the best you can, put in all of your effort (into both studying and actually taking the exam), breathe/take mini breaks while testing if you feel overwhelmed or frustrated, and remind yourself that: it will be over soon, you'll be free once it's done, and you did the best you could - so there's nothing else you can do.

 I (try) to use all of these tips while taking exams. They might seem simple, but they definitely do make a difference. I hope they helped, or will help, you.

 Good luck on exams if you have them!

 Thank you for reading and I'll talk to you soon.

XOXO
Harel

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Welcome to the New Year

Hello!

 Welcome to my first post of the year 2016! I am so excited to embark on another year of blogging and am so glad you will be joining me!

 I had some ideas of posts I wanted to write this year, and changes I wanted to make to my blog. That is what this post is for. I'm just going to list the different ideas I have in mind, and would love to know what you think in the comment section.

 ***

 As some of you may know, I went to Playlist Live Orlando (a YouTube convention) last year with two of my very best friends! And all three of us will be going again this year. Last year, I documented the adventure with three separate blog posts about my experience - one for each day of the convention. I am definitely going to write those posts again this year for my second year attending Playlist Live. I will probably also film a few videos with my friends about Playlist Live tips and tricks + a survival guide. Leave a comment below if you'd be interested in reading/watching those posts and videos!

 I also want to continue with my high school post series. I say series, but there is currently only one post in it. Basically, I plan to write a post at the beginning of each year of high school (with my anticipations, expectations, predictions, feelings beforehand, etc.) and then one at the end of each year (experience, tips, feelings afterward, etc.). I've already written my first post about freshman year which you can read here, and in 2016 I will also be writing my post-freshman year post and my pre-sophomore year post. Through these posts, not only do I want to document my high school experience, but also help some of you with common issues teens have.

 Another thing I plan to do this year is video-hauls. As of now, I've hit the pause button my YouTube channel (apart from the Playlist videos). But, I still want to do hauls. What I'm thinking is, filming a haul, making it "unlisted", and only putting the link on my blog. I feel like I can express what I want to say in hauls better if I'm talking it out + I can show you the product/clothing item/accessory better if I am holding it up and you are seeing it in video form. What do you think of the video-haul idea?

 As for favorites posts, I may do seasonal favorite posts rather than monthly. That way, I will show you what I have been loving/using nonstop during that specific season. 

 I know Blogmas 2015 just ended, but I thought I'd put this in here because it seems fitting. I do plan to take part in Blogmas 2016. I don't know what will happen in a little less than 12 months, but as of right now that is the plan.

 I also want to start writing more posts about music. Music is one of my biggest passions, and I want to share that passion with all of you. I want to discuss different types of music with you, and introduce each other to new artists and genres. Maybe instead of monthly tangible item favorites, I will do monthly music favorites - kind of like monthly playlists!

 I think I will add the poll feature back onto my blog. I'm not sure where I will put it up yet, but I want this blog to be an interactive space for you all. I will put up a new question (probably) every week and I think it will be a fun way to see everyone's interests, opinions, etc.

 Finally, I might buy a blog template in the future. It will change the appearance of my blog and make it look more professional. I also might screenshot a couple options and ask you guys what you think!

 ***

 Right now, that is what I have planned for 2016. I cannot wait for all of these future posts! Please let me know what you think of my ideas in the comment section and add any idea you have as well!

 Thank you for reading and I'll talk to you soon.

XOXO
Harel

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